I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
