ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
