we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
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