the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
