That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
