im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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