I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
