How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...