I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
