Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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