who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
