Don't you send me to vm
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
