he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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