Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
