we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
