Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
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I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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