I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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