i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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