I'm lost and stupid without you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
