I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
