I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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