Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
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Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.