We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.