I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We left the knife in your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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