im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
