you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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