sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
