remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
