I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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