from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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