i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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