Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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