Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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