Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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