Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
