I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
