your room smells of hookers.
And success
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
