great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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