the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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