you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she told me i tasted like america
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
