I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
