TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
