im drinking this country out of the recession.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
