uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i believe in u and ur pee
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize