I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
