I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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