She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
