Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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