If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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