she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
