Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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