I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
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Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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