My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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