She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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