just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
