don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
