i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
