I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
