it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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