so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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