Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
