Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I did not marry a roomba.
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