just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
