She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize