ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
