My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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