): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
