just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
