Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize